Skip to main content

Depression, take 2

Not long ago I finished reading the book Lincoln's Melancholy by Joshua Wolf Shenk. I thought the book was fascinating, and gives wonderful insight into the lives of those who battle melancholy (not clinical depression) and those who experience depression as a natural part of the grieving process related to the tragedies and losses of life. As I battle the ongoing depression I feel over the miscarriage almost a month ago now, two things about Lincoln help me greatly.

First, he never denied the way he felt or acted as if something was wrong that needed to be healed or fixed. There was no attitude of "keep your chin up," or "Buck up, little trooper," and Lincoln never tried to pull himself up by his bootstraps and soldier on. He hurt. He was moody, he was sad and grieving. He was distracted and distraught. During his presidency it was common for people to think that Lincoln was incompetent and didn't know what he was doing. But those opinions were never based on Lincoln's obvious depression. There was nothing "wrong" with him. He was just depressed. He acknowledged it, and took it in, and allowed it to shape who he was. Historians now believe that his depression gave him unique insight into how to face down and then bind up the nation's wounds. Lincoln could stay on the straight and narrow course of the war because he had stayed on the straight and narrow course through many times of grief and depression in his life. He knew it hurt now, but he also knew that sooner of later he would experience the other side of the darkness.

Secondly, when Lincoln was in the depths of his darkest and most depressing days, he went to work. On some days he could manage only some simple correspondence. On other days he could add cabinet meetings to that, and so on. Lincoln refused to be incapacitated by his emotions, and found things he could do, and put other things off to another day. When you are depressed, it may be that the best thing you can do is brush your teeth and call it a day. Other times you might be able to clean the bathroom, or answer emails. On another day you might be able to go to lunch with friends. The point is to do something, do what you can, and let the rest go for now. People ask me how I'm doing, and I say that I am doing fine. I'm depressed, but I'm fine. Although some days it is a struggle, I go to work. I study. I pray. I meet with people. I go to the hospital. I listen, I encourage, I laugh from time to time. Each day I do what I can. This past Sunday I preached although I was depressed. I hope folks couldn't tell and I hope I was not a distraction to the message, but I prepared a sermon and delivered it on schedule.

Peter writes that we have a living hope in Christ Jesus. So I choose to live. Christ is victorious, he has overcome the world, therefore I will not be defeated. Some days I hurt like hell, and I can't explain it. Other days there is just a note of sadness flowing beneath the surface of things, and I can't explain that. But in all things I want to live a victorious life and bear witness to the greatness of my Lord. So, today I got up and enjoyed a cup of coffee, spent time with the Lord, got ready and went down to the church. So far so good, and if that is all I accomplish today, it has been a good day. Praise God.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Racing with Horses, Walking on Water, and Accepting My Weakness

I am tired of Hurricane Harvey. I am ready for all of this to be done and for things to settle down. I long for the routine, familiar, and predictable. I have had enough of trying to limit or mitigate the effects of Harvey on my family and property. I have become worn out trying to control and make sense of how my church is recovering from the hurricane. I am just about through with the ongoing, and seemingly never ending, management issues related to hundreds of volunteers funneling through my church on a weekly basis to assist our community in the recovery efforts. The logistics of making it all work week in and week out, the delicate dance of being the pastor to all the personalities involved, is exhausting. Add to this my broken heart for our community. I receive gut punches every day as I listen to the stories of evacuation, recovery, and rebuild. I steel myself to being able to do what I can each week and letting everything else go. I am sick of people saying the Lord will ...

Her Own Woman

Kathryn is here now. She was born Sunday night, 5:57 p.m., and weighed 7 pounds, 10 oz., and measured 20.25 inches long. Kim was in labor since about 9:00 a.m. Saturday. After hours of waiting and miles of walking around that hospital, Kim never progressed beyond 6 cm. Every time we came close to making a decision about what to do next, it seems Kathryn would change the game on us and we would have to wait for another couple of hours to see what would happen next. We almost went to the OR at least twice before we finally did because Kathry would do this or that. She was letting us know she was in charge. After whe was born I stood with her in the nursery while they cleaned her up and checked her out. She cried for a while and then got real calm and collected. I watched her as she sized me up with her eyes, took a good look around the room, and then looked at me and kind of smirked knowingly. I got the distinct impression that she was very much amused by everything that had gone on the ...

Seven Questions Facing FBC Rockport in 2018, part 4

I think our church is a work in progress right now. We are in a process of discovery, learning how and what kind of church God is making us into. The process is far from over. I think we will know much more by the fall of 2018. Until then, I ask for patience, courage, and commitment from all our members. Please join me in seeking the Lord concerning the answers to the following questions. I have included my thoughts as of right now, but nothing is final or written in stone. Here are the seven questions I think are facing us as we enter 2018: 1. How will we be connected to one another? 2. What will our worship and weekly schedule look like over the course of a year? 3. How will we reach out to and serve our community? 4. How will new people be connected to our church and what will that mean for our space usage? 5.  What kind of volunteer base and financial resources will be available to us as we plan for ministries, o...