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Redirecting

There is change in the wind. One of the things that non-linear mathematics and Applied Chaos Theory teach us is the design hidden in systems of living things, including our lives. At first there seems to be nothing but instability and chaos. It seems everything is about to collapse and fail. It appears there is no rhyme or reason to the things happening and that our lives, families, churches, relationships, businesses, etc. are spinning out of control. Over time, however, a pattern emerges and takes definite shape. Not all at once, but given time it will emerge. The pattern has been there all along defining the chaos and confusion, we just could not see it until enough time passed and more shaping took place. Chaos Theory calls this the "strange attractor": the pattern that was always there but could not be seen at first. Even within apparent chaos there is order and stability. We must live by faith.

I wonder, what is shaping your life? What pattern emerges as you observe the course of your personal history? Our lives, relationships, and organizations are not machines to be engineered and maintained, operating according to the physical laws of Newtonian science. Much of life is unpredictable, wild, and wonderful -- like love!

Kim continues to have good days and bad days since Kathryn's birth, and we live by faith. I confess the whole process of conception, pregnancy, birth, and post-partum realities is mysterious at best, heartbreaking for some. We have experienced shocks at every stage the past several years -- from miscarriages to emergency c-sections to depression. And yet we have also experienced the joy and blessing of new life! Mysterious. Pray for Kim as she strives and waits to feel normal again.

In order to have more time to be with Kim, care for our children, work around the house, and still pastor our church, I have had to drop one of my classes this semester. I have also considered dropping out altogether, but probably won't do that. The school has assured me that they will work with me to finish my degree, even if I have to petition to go beyond the seven year time limit.

Our church has completed a year of self-study and seeking the Lord, and now we are about to report back to the church and make several recommendations about how we believe the Lord is leading us. God does not allow us to stay where we are and go with Him at the same time. There will be change involved, which is always tricky for a church, but I believe our church is strong and faithful enough to work through the process with great faith and unity. But...there is a lot of work ahead.

I am watching and waiting for the Lord to reveal some patterns in all of this. I believe there is a "strange attractor" at work even though it cannot be seen at present. Are you walking by faith or by sight?

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